Yesterday I was at a convention, an obligatory thing that I was only marginally interested in to begin with. When the presentation finished, I left at the same time as the rest of the bustling crowd. Stuck among a sea of bodies, I felt a push at the back of my wheelchair. I turned around and said that I didn't need a hand, but my remarks were disregarded and this person ended up taking over my wheelchair. This man behind me, with his hands on my wheelchair drained me of control over my own mode of transport. He started shouting for people to move, making a scene. It wasn't a nice sort of assistance, it was a show-off, mockery, sort of incident. I didn't even know the guy. I felt completely powerless, I was robbed of the little control I had.
This incident may not seem like much to the naked eye, but if you looked close enough you would be able to see a small wound reopen. When you are in a wheelchair, life changes. I am not a victim and I am not suffering, but I am not going to deny the hardship and the massive reconstruction that my life has undergone since my accident.
Personally, I feel more vulnerable than I used to. I don't have the ability to just get up and walk away from uncomfortable situations. Having people say or do things that I don't appreciate is something I am still getting used to, but am so much better at coping with than I used to.
This isn't the first time something like this has happened. But, it has always been in completely different contexts around people I know. Sometimes people will do things without thinking. I forgive, because there's little point in holding grudges and becoming bitter (it's tiring) and it generally comes down to a lack of understanding. The most important thing is; if you do something without thinking and make someone feel uncomfortable, apologise and learn from mistakes.
In the end, I think this situation specifically came down to lack of respect and understanding. I am not angry with this fellow, it just encompassed more to me than someone simply pushing my wheelchair without consent. I do not wish to speak for all wheelchair users, but from personal experience and what I've heard, most of the time, most of us are okay. Unless someone asks or you ask and they say yes, then there is no need to touch someone's wheelchair. Sometimes though, we do need help and it's totally fine to ask. The keyword is CONSENT.
Ask yourself, would I do this to an able-bodied person? If the answer is no, then you may want to reconsider your actions. Empathy is important. Personally, I just want to be treated like anyone else. I may look different, but I am still the same Miller I have always been, maybe just a bit more interesting.
- Miller
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